Posted by: the warrioress | November 2, 2011

Gossip III – After the Destruction – Why Do They Do It?

If you readers wonder why I’m belaboring this issue, it’s because I’m attempting to learn something about gossip and understand this kind of behavior. As one who is psychologically-inclined to attempt to analyze, I also attempt to look at the why’s of something before I judge it too harshly, without compassion.
 
Certainly we’ve all had someone gossip about us at one time or another. Sometimes the gossip was mild and didn’t really impact us or our lives; sometimes the gossip was more serious and the intent behind it was malicious.
 
It helps to know why these kinds of things are happening in our lives. If we can understand what’s gone wrong with the individual(s) who engage in this destructive activity, we can better forgive and eventually forget the hurt and pain they have created in our lives. We obviously can’t hold a grudge or be angry about harmful gossip indefinitely because that will only do us even more harm.  When we see that this loathsome behavior is not really about us, or that it’s honestly not personal, that it’s actually more about the one doing the gossiping, we can move forward no matter what was said.
 
We are who we are, regardless what people think. What is gossiped and spread around is only words and assumption. No one really knows the truth behind the rumors unless we are willing to share it with them. In the interim, we are children of the Most High God,  and He knows who we are, despite the rumors, outright lies, and twisted truths. God knows our hearts.
 
The following two readings were so helpful to me. I hope they are to you as well.
 
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Gossip And Rumors: Why Do People Do It?

Let’s say you’ve just heard a REALLY juicy rumor about someone you know. It may not be true, but it’s too good to keep to yourself. Your first instinct is to hop online and IM it to all your friends.

We’ve all had that kind of urge. But why? Here are some possible reasons:

To feel superior
When people are feeling bad about themselves, they sometimes think they’ll feel better if there were someone worse off than they are. It’s like, it’s okay being near the bottom, as long as they’re not actually on the bottom. The easiest way for them to make sure someone else is on the bottom is to make up a rumor that puts him or her there.

To feel like part of the group
If everybody else is gossiping or spreading rumors, you might feel you have to do the same thing in order to fit in. When you’re “in on the secret,” you’re in the group. Unfortunately, the person who the gossip or rumor is about is usually left out of the group for the same reason that you’re let into it.

For attention
When you know a secret that nobody knows, or are the first person in your group to hear a rumor, it can make you the center of attention. A rumor or piece of gossip is sometimes like money; telling it to people is like buying their attention, if only for a few minutes. You might even save up a really scandalous rumor, waiting for the right moment to blab so you get the maximum amount of attention for it.

For control or power
Certain people always want to be in control and at the top of the ladder. You probably know at least one person who needs to be the leader, say what goes, and make all the decisions. When people are at the top of the popularity scale, or are determined to climb higher, one way they do this is by reducing the “status” of another person. Spreading rumors and gossip is one of the main ways people reduce another person’s status, especially among girls. It’s like one caveman beating up another caveman for control of the tribe-only it’s done with cruel whispers and petty remarks instead of fists.

Out of jealousy or a need for revenge
If you’re jealous of someone’s looks, popularity, or money, you might gossip about that person in order to hurt him or her. If you feel that someone’s done something bad to you, or deserves to be hurt, making up a rumor might satisfy your sense of justice.

Out of boredom
Did you know that in many studies, this was the #1 reason why young people say they spread rumors? Sometimes, a period where everyone is happy and getting along just seems kind of-dull. Spreading juicy dish might shake things up a bit, or get two people to start a fight, and that would make life a little more exciting. All those tabloid newspapers and TV shows full of celebrity gossip are pure proof that rumors are a popular form of entertainment.

We asked IML’ers why they think people spread rumors, and here’s what some of you said:

“I think people spread rumors and gossip to hurt that person’s feelings because they’re insecure, like bullies.”

“I bet people start rumors to hurt people or because they think the truth is too boring.”

“There are so many reasons! They may misunderstand a situation, want revenge, or just want to be a part of school life.”

“I think that people spread rumors and gossip because they are either bored, mad at that person, trying to stir up some activity, or to get attention.”

http://pbskids.org/itsmylife
Copyright © 2005 CastleWorks, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Why do people gossip?

Written by M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

The person who is laughing out loud, capturing the attention of everyone in the room while gossiping about someone is not as happy as he seems.

From the outside he seems strong, popular, interesting and in control but if you peaked inside his mind at the time he was gossiping you would have found things that you would never want to find in yourself.

You would have found low self esteem, jealousy, frustration, anger and weakness. Does this sound serious? Then read this article to know the truth about gossiping.

I couldn’t do it there so I will do it here

Sam was treated badly by a guy he barely knows but he couldn’t reply back or do something about it right away. Sam went home frustrated, angry and eager to revenge.

Since Sam didn’t have the courage to settle this problem face to face with that person he decided to go out with his friends to change his mood and when he arrived there he started gossiping about him!!

Do you know why Sam was gossiping? Because he couldn’t take revenge directly and so he
was trying to take it indirectly. Yes Sam was feeling weak and frustrated and this was the main reason behind his gossiping.

I am worthy, believe me!!

People who judge others, who try to put them down or who gossip sometimes have the goal of making themselves appear more worthy. What does a phrase like: “Did you see that guy, he can’t even do anything right” mean?

It means, “Did you see that guy? He is nothing compared to me, I can do everything right while he can’t, i am worthy!!”

Sadly when people feel less worthy than others or when they feel inferior they start gossiping about others in order to feel good about themselves. After all if everyone become incompetent then surely they will become better than them all!!

I am jealous

Sometimes the main reason behind gossiping is jealousy. When someone feels jealous of someone else he might gossip about him in order to let people hate him.

Sadly jealousy stems from lack of self confidence and gossiping about someone because you are jealous of him only means that you need to fix your self confidence.

Accept me, please, I beg you

Lovers buy gifts for each other in order to strengthen their love and this is a very good thing but can someone give a big gift to a stranger in order to be accepted by him?

Yes it happens, people who feel worthless can do such a thing. By sacrificing some of their core principals and by gossiping about someone in front of a person they just met they hope to get one thing from that new friend which is acceptance.

Going down on your kneels and telling that person “Accept me, i beg you” is the same as scarifying your principles just to get a sign of acceptance as tiny as a smile.

No, its not related to boredom

Some people might try to defend gossiping by saying that its the result of boredom but this is incorrect. The truth is that boredom will lead to gossiping if the person is weak, frustrated, feeling inferior, lacking confidence or jealous.

However if the person was free of psychological weaknesses he won’t gossip even if he was bored simply because gossiping won’t be an option.

If you still gossip then its time to stop, be strong.

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Responses

  1. Thank you for pressing LIKE!

  2. Remember, we got your back. What goes around comes around. Stalkers beware. You go, girlfriend!

  3. The people that do this to you are ate up with jealousy.You should pity them.People who stalk, lie about, and spread rumors and gossip are doing it to destroy someone who threatens them and their security.Your Christiianity was threatening to them because I’ve seen them treat most of the Christians, who tell them what the bible says, badly, on that site.They are still doing it now even after you left.Just pray for them.God knows their intent.That girl over there is writing a blog about you even today.I know what’s been going on because I’ve been watching it for awhile. If you need a statement backing you up, let me know.Satan hates a true Christian and Satan uses lukewarm and deceived Christians to persecute real Christians.You’re in my prayers, Warrioress. Hang in there.

  4. Thanks, J, and A Person.
    This has been a really tough time for me. Learning to keep my mouth shut despite the lies being spread about me isn’t easy. I could offer explanation regarding the accusations but why bother. When people thrive off of the false and the salacious, nothing will dissuade them. And yes, since the matter is continuing, I will be dealing with it in a serious fashion. Thanks again.

    Edited to add:

    If the people doing the smearing would just stop.. we could all move forward. I would prefer not to have to take legal action. Perhaps these individuals will back off, keep their cyber mouths and pens shut, and allow us all to move forward. I pray that this is the case for all of our sakes.

  5. A very insightful and well thought out entry! Thanks for good words 🙂

  6. Thank you for commenting here, Mark, and I appreciate the praise. I will check out your blog as well, and God bless you. lol.. I already have checked out your blog, Mark, and as you know, I am following it. Great writing, btw…


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