God has shown me a lot lately; it’s heavy-duty enlightenment too. It’s enlightenment that I actually prayed about and requested an answer about, because I’ve struggled terribly with something. Well, I have finally received an answer and it’s been pretty timely too, which is always nice.
I asked God to help me with an intense resentment I’ve had about someone whom I have disliked and felt competitive toward for a while now. Basically, I’ve disliked a particular woman I know because she has been as passionate as I am about sharing her belief system; but from my perspective, her belief system is moving people closer to hell and away from Jesus Christ, which is the opposite of what I see my belief system attempting to do. I’ve viewed this woman as an enemy of God and of myself, because of her sheer fervor in her preachings. These preachings of hers are mostly anti-religious, anti-theist and consist of a lot of new age, power of positive thinking type psycho-babble. Her distaste for the God of the bible has been and is tangible.
Then there’s that she’s just arrogant at times and probably a lot of other things that aren’t coming to mind now. The point of all of this is that I don’t really know why I have disliked her so, but I have. What’s strange is that at one time I really liked and admired her a lot, but that was before; that was before she started attempting to spread her anti-Christian message in competition with me spreading mine. The war was on at that point and it has been one heck of a fierce battle between the two of us, let me tell you. She will never admit it, but we’ve both bloodied one another, spiritually & emotionally speaking. As I review the thing in my mind now, I’m ashamed of what I didn’t see until early afternoon today. How could I have missed this?
She wrote something early this morning on her blog. It was a post explaining what she’s been through in her life and how what she’s suffered and endured have essentially contributed to and created her perspective and philosophy of life. What she described that she had endured was intense and horrific. I empathized greatly with her plight and felt sad for what she shared that she has been through. At the end of reading her words, I could certainly see why she is passionate about what she’s been clinging to, philosophy-wise. I could also see that what she believes is as important to her as what I believe is to me. It’s important to her that she share it with others, even if I don’t happen to approve of or believe in what she’s sharing — even if her beliefs go directly against everything that mine stand for, that I believe in.
What I suddenly realized is that this woman has as much right to share and be passionate about what she feels has changed her life as I do. Who am I to begrudge her this or to turn what has brought her happiness and peace into a personal affront to me and my own beliefs? Why and how did this whole mess have to become such an unspoken, ugly competition between the two of us anyway?
I wish I knew….
It must be some awful weakness within me, some insecurity, and obviously something ugly that Christ needs to remove that has contributed to this problem between me and her. As I now see my part in this whole mess, I will never understand why Jesus Christ and God want to even bother with me. I am really something sometimes. I’m about as undeserving of God’s love and mercy as one can get. And sometimes I’m just really dense, like in this particular case; I miss the blatant obvious!
But never mind all of that…this post isn’t about that and me flogging myself over my flaws and challenges. God showed me, through her words, what I needed to see so that I could understand her better and love her for who she is, not who I think she should be. Talk about some insight!
Whatever she does about God, the salvation of Jesus Christ, and her choices in life are between her and God; it’s really not my business. If I’m sincerely concerned, I should simply be praying for her, not secretly and even not so secretly hating on her and condemning her, wishing the worst upon her when she irritates me with her anti-religious zeal. I need to remember that she’s who she is because of what she’s gone through. God can reach anyone at any time when they are ready in the way that they need to personally be reached out to. I can only share what I have shared with her before and then it’s all entirely up to her, but regardless of what she does, I need to see her the way that Jesus Christ sees her, the way that my Father in Heaven sees her. I need to love her the way that they do.
Wow.. imagine that.
- Christ Centered Morality (freestylechristianity.wordpress.com)
- Hurt (lifeofafemalebiblewarrior.wordpress.com)
- Supernatural Reality Can’t be Shoved Down Someone’s Throat! (benjaminbradfordwhite.wordpress.com)
- Forgiveness: An Act Of Obedience (bummyla.wordpress.com)