Posted by: the warrioress | February 17, 2013

The Ideal of Biblical Sexuality

The bible tells us to hold off on sexual intimacy until we marry. Personally, I think this is very good advice, most especially in the times we are living in now.  Why?

God knew what He was doing when desiring that we marry, rather than burn with lust or acting out in a promiscuous fashion, without commitment. Becoming sexually active without commitment creates a situation that repeats itself over and over again, whereby sexual intimacy becomes casual and nothing special.

God did not intend sexual intimacy to be shared casually. Our self esteem is destroyed when this happens, we are devalued — it is devalued. God describes the perfection of true love and sexual intimacy within the book known as the  Song of Solomon. We cheat God’s purposes for this special act when we go our own way and engage in frivolous, meaningless intimacy.

Not only do we lose respect for ourselves, but others lose respect for us when we casually share something that was meant for joining a couple for life, in the eyes of God and man. If I have learned nothing else in my years on this earth, I have learned this.

If someone really loves God and another, they will respect God’s take on this, because God is correct. God knew, (better than we), what happens when we take Him out of the equation and go our own foolish way. We pervert His purposes and intent, and degrade what should be a permanent, beautiful, wonderful bonding experience.

Children,  especially, deserve a stable, permanent relationship to be brought up in. They deserve what God desires when we claim to love another. If someone is good enough to have sexual intimacy with, they are good enough to marry. Skirting God’s laws and suggestions will bring problems upon us, but sometimes we must learn the hard way. We are a stubborn people, we human beings. It takes a very long time to learn to follow God’s ways instead of our own.

We set and model an example for our children, young men and young women to be. If we are casual about intimacy, they will be as well. If we model appropriate sexuality, they will do the same. How many sexual partners do we want to wade through before we find one godly individual to share our lives with? Thirty? Seventy-three? At what point have we degraded the entire point and purpose of our God-given sexuality? And at what point do our repeated claims of being in alleged “love” mean very little?

It bears thinking on that when we’ve encountered innumerable bed partners, we have perhaps lost something important and special along the way of sharing ourselves with others. God had a reason to save our bodies for marriage. We were not created to turn something deep, emotional, and special into something casual and trite.

Our human sexuality was created especially for the marriage bed. When we remove it from that context, we manipulate and pervert God’s intent for something safe, beautiful, and wondrous, and turn it into something unsafe, insecure, impermanent, and basically cheapen it.

For specific bible verses about fornication and more in depth reading on this topic, please read through the following article HERE; it is very well done. (http://www.bible-knowledge.com/the-sin-of-fornication/)

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Responses

  1. Music to my ears. Sex is so powerful- powerful for the good when used to lovingly bind you to the one who you will be with till death. And powerful for hurt when given outside of a life-long commitment. Your words are so true. Thank you for this post.

  2. I feel for you as I read your words. As a mother of 2 beautiful daughters this is one area I find overwhelming much of the time. Yet I feel the need to add to this post with some experience of my own. I have a meaningful intimate relationship with my husband even though both of us had sexual partners before we found each other. The world has changed and in order for our children to full understand WHY sexual intimacy is so special, is sometimes to experience when it is not. 😦 Sad but that is how we learn much more-so these days, unfortunately not often from applying the wisdom of our parents of even our God. Even now as an adult who has been committed to God for many many years, I still have to learn many things the hard way. Why? Because people interpret learning so differently, one persons experience is not always the rule for another. We need conviction of our WHY? which must come from experience. While it is important to educate our children why we uphold God’s design in our lives, it is also important to trust that God has got us all in His hands when we believe in Him and His Son, no matter how far from the narrow path we tread.
    As a mother I need to remind myself of this unless I lock up my daughters and prevent them making any mistakes. Teaching them to love themselves, and to know they are loved by us and God is the bottom-line I feel we have no other choice but to take…. And of course pray like mad that they don’t go too far in order to learn. 😉 Blessings to you!

  3. I recommend the way that Mark Gungor covers sex. Not preachy at all, but presented in a way that you can listen to without feeling judged. http://www.laughyourway.com/

  4. Hi Askthebigot,

    I agree with you that our sexuality is powerful and can impact our live in so many deep ways, good and bad. I’m so glad you enjoyed the posting. By the way, I think I am sincerely beginning to understand the significance of your this name you use. I’ve been having a conversation on another posting, here in the comments area, and am increasingly being labeled a “bigot” for taking a strong stand as a bible-believer. My belief in what the bible says is being referred to as a “hateful theology.” This is amusing in some ways, but in others, sadly disappointing. I figure you must have a mixture of feelings about being an alleged “bigot” as well? I need to read through more of your postings and will in the future.

  5. Hi the Water Bearer!

    I too felt overwhelmed in this area, probably until about four years ago now, when I decided to begin to attempt to live a more biblically-applied life, instead of following my own ways. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been remarkably happy, peaceful, and fulfilling. I only wish I had done so sooner in my life. I have no doubt things would have been quite different for me, experience-wise in the area of relationships, and I might have been spared so much hurt and needless pain.

    I agree with you completely that we must each discover through experiencing for ourselves this truth about sexual intimacy and relationships — some of us will learn from other’s experiences (few of us, I’m guessing), and others of us will need the mistakes and the lessons that teach hard truths.

    I wrote this particular post in response to a family member’s trials and tribulations in the area of sexuality and relationships. I don’t want to see her making the same mistakes I made in my life, but I also realize I can’t “lock my family member up,” as you said, or make her hear me. I am praying that her life lessons will be kinder than mine were, and am trying to teach my daughter in the same way, but I well remember how stubborn I was; these are sobering memories for me, especially considering the times we are now living in. I worry for my loved ones in a world that is increasingly me-centered, violent, and pushing the envelope toward greater and greater immorality.

    Blessings to you as well, WB (big hugs).

  6. Thanks, Minimalist Christian, for the referral to Mark Gungor. I’ve not had opportunity to listen to any of his DVD’s. Maybe there is something on Youtube.com. I’ll check it out.

    Just found something:

  7. Warrioress

    As is sometimes the case on this blog, you present a false dichotomy, ignoring the many “shades of grey” that exist in between (excuse the pun!).

    Yes, I agree that if someone becomes promiscuous, then sex may lose its gravity and profundity for that person. (And, frankly, that’s their choice, and if it doesn’t cause harm to anyone else, that’s their prerogative.)

    But there is also an approach to sex that treats it as something special reserved for those few people in life with whom you develop close romantic relationships. In this context, sex isn’t cheapened by being experienced with more than one person.

    In fact, it may be argued that a healthy sex life within marriage can actually be boosted by a certain amount of previous experience. Speaking personally, I think my sex life with my wife would have gotten off to a much rockier, shakier start had it been my very first sexual encounter.

    There is also the issue of regret – I suspect that many people who wait to have sex until they are married encounter at least some regret at not exploring their sexuality with other people before they got married. This could lead to considerable resentment in the marriage. I know the expression “sowing one’s wild oats” may be a little extreme, but it does hold some truth.

    In summary, I think sex is just too special of a phenomenon NOT to share it with more than one person your entire life. It is one of life’s gifts that should be celebrated and enjoyed, albeit in a responsible fashion.

    There is also something deeply sinister about God’s fascination with sex. Sex is a private matter conducted between consenting adults. To have God as a third person, voyeuristically looking over every couple’s shoulder, wagging his finger at their intransigence, is not a little disgusting. He should mind his own business! But then again, God was never one for minding his own business. He’s the ultimate Big Brother.

    And at the end of the day, God is really just a pawn for church authorities trying to control their followers and grow their population. The church needs lots of children, and it needs them to be born to stable church-going couples who will indoctrinate their children into the church. Hence the emphasis on sex within marriage and the rejection of contraception.

  8. I know exactly what you mean and agree with you entirely.. It is a sad, daunting, offensive, seductive, shocking, perverse evil world in so many ways. We are blessed to have found some peace happiness and joy from the hand of the Lord in our lives. I know we developed such intense faith because of calling out to Him after our biggest mistakes. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t give up my mistakes for a pain-free existence because that’s what brought me to know Him so intimately. We may have to let our loved ones suffer, knowing God is using that to soften their hearts to Him, more-so than our words of experience can. Hard but necessary I feel. Much Love & Blessings to you Adrienne. xo

  9. Warrioress, thanks for your response. I wrote this comment after my page “What is a ‘bigot’ anyway” and it gives a little insight into the well-stated “mixture of feelings” as you put it.

    “I’ll admit, I was in an angry place when the idea of this blog was birthed. You could count on two fingers the people who might challenge me for the spot of “#1 fan” of my mom and her partner. And yet, it seemed that in nearly every media venue the bigot label was being used more and more liberally. I told my MOPS group to pray that I would know what to do about the angst that was stewing within me and I facetiously said that I wanted to start a blog called “ask the Bigot.” Over the next several days, I couldn’t shake that still small voice so… here we are.”

    Clearly, one of the main objectives of my blog is to point out how erroneous the “bigot” label is in most circumstances. It is often used to pressure those with whom we disagree into silence. It is a tactic that has been very successful in the debate on sexuality.

  10. Also, the comments following this post are insightful: http://askthebigot.com/2012/11/28/iso-bigot-christians/

    Strength, clarity, courage, and graciousness to you, Friend, as you continue your dialogue with Sabio.

  11. @Keith,

    “Warrioress

    As is sometimes the case on this blog, you present a false dichotomy, ignoring the many “shades of grey” that exist in between (excuse the pun!).

    Yes, I agree that if someone becomes promiscuous, then sex may lose its gravity and profundity for that person. (And, frankly, that’s their choice, and if it doesn’t cause harm to anyone else, that’s their prerogative.)

    But there is also an approach to sex that treats it as something special reserved for those few people in life with whom you develop close romantic relationships. In this context, sex isn’t cheapened by being experienced with more than one person.

    In fact, it may be argued that a healthy sex life within marriage can actually be boosted by a certain amount of previous experience. Speaking personally, I think my sex life with my wife would have gotten off to a much rockier, shakier start had it been my very first sexual encounter.”

    I suppose it could be argued, but it would be argued by one who is not following biblical guidance, Keith. God is apparently interested in keeping sexuality within the bonds of matrimony, and as I point out, He has His reasons, and I believe that they are good reasons.

    “There is also the issue of regret – I suspect that many people who wait to have sex until they are married encounter at least some regret at not exploring their sexuality with other people before they got married. This could lead to considerable resentment in the marriage. I know the expression “sowing one’s wild oats” may be a little extreme, but it does hold some truth.”

    I can’t speak for someone who waited until marriage as I wasn’t brought up in that manner, unfortunately. I’ve since learned the error of my ways, though. Again, I’m talking about following God’s guidance and why God has suggested what He did. Obviously His ways are not going to be appealing to those who are hostile to the bible, God, and godly ways of living life.

    “In summary, I think sex is just too special of a phenomenon NOT to share it with more than one person your entire life. It is one of life’s gifts that should be celebrated and enjoyed, albeit in a responsible fashion.

    There is also something deeply sinister about God’s fascination with sex. Sex is a private matter conducted between consenting adults. To have God as a third person, voyeuristically looking over every couple’s shoulder, wagging his finger at their intransigence, is not a little disgusting. He should mind his own business! But then again, God was never one for minding his own business. He’s the ultimate Big Brother.”

    God is a loving, but protective Father to His children. He allows us the free will to make our mistakes and deal with the consequences of those mistakes. Many of us have dealt with these kinds of consequences and now speak out so that those whom we love will not have to go through something similar. Of course, it’s quite evident that sometimes people must simply make their own mistakes so that they can learn for themselves; some cannot learn from others. A life lived for self in hedonistic fashion is not going to be a “godly life,” and there will be consequences that are difficult, more than likely.

    “And at the end of the day, God is really just a pawn for church authorities trying to control their followers and grow their population. The church needs lots of children, and it needs them to be born to stable church-going couples who will indoctrinate their children into the church. Hence the emphasis on sex within marriage and the rejection of contraception.”

    Interesting theory, Keith. Church authorities, hmm? I don’t think this is an issue about the church and power over the people. I think this is an issue whereby Satan is liberally encouraging people to ruin their lives through a variety of methods, including casual sex and serial monogamy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


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