Posted by: the warrioress | January 15, 2014

Envy & Wanting to Please God

I wonder if anyone else has a tendency to compare their relationship with God to other people’s relationship with God..or rather to compare their Christianity to someone else’s.

Do you ever do this?  I know I do.  And I just hate this about myself.

It’s like a competitive thing or something.  Inwardly it’s an “Am I doing this as right as they appear to be?”  kind of thing. And then the one that never fails, “I’m sure I’m not good enough and God must think I suck at this compared to him/her; he or she is doing this so much better than I am.”

This has to be Satan bombarding my mind with lies when these kind of thoughts are happening to me. Usually I’ll call him on it and tell him to back right off.  See…inside my heart, I know God treasures me and that He’s very pleased with my walk and spiritual growth thus far. I don’t think He cares too much for me comparing my spiritual journey to someone else’s though and feeling that I come up short; this is an insecurity within me that I just hate, that I’m impatient with myself about.

Certainly it’s good to measure our walk up against those whom we admire and look up to for the purpose of improving our walk with Christ; this is how we learn and grow, but I’m writing about something else entirely. I’m writing about a kind of beating ourselves up, of envying someone else and thinking we’re not good enough to please God — that they please Him more than we do.

God doesn’t like it when I allow negativity to impact my experience with Him. How God is able to love each one of us so perfectly and exactly enough is beyond me, but He can, will, and does. We please Him when we open up to Him and admit that we need Him. When we repent our sins, God sees our heart.  He sees everything we hide from the world.  He can love us the way He does because He knows the real us that we show to so few. God knows the deep flaws and imperfections within us.  He knows how well we’re really doing at this Christianity thing. We don’t have to impress God. We really are good enough.

I think God accepts each one of us unconditionally, even when we are screwing things up and failing utterly; still, it must sadden Him when we actually can do better and we aren’t doing better for whatever the reason. We always have another opportunity to try, though. God is not too harsh a judge.

When I see Christian men or women who seem to have it all in their Christian life, who seem to know so much and walk so close  with God & Jesus, who appear to be perfect, (or so it seems), I’ve envied them; I’ve wanted whatever it is that they have with God, to a degree. Thankfully, this is a fleeting emotion an infrequent occurrence for me.

God’s Holy Spirit will usually speak to my heart fairly quickly when I’m being insecure and assure me that while what He and I have may be different, it is just as profound as His relationship with anyone else and it is exactly just right for me.  I settle down when I feel God’s reassurance and His still, strong voice inside my mind.  I snuggle into Him and feel safe and right again.

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Responses

  1. Comparison is the “devil’s game” that we all play from time to time. My Sister, do you not realize how unique you are in God’s eyes…He only has one of you.

  2. God came to visit me this morning, I am pretty sure, with regard to my current fears about a potentially foggy and difficult future that may lie before me right now. Lots of problems—and I have been praying for some sort of answer. Both He and the answer came to me in the form of a photograph this morning, and I have been unable to get the tears out of my eyes:

    http://500px.com/photo/52942460

  3. The solution of course, is to always compare yourself with people you’re better than… 😉

    Seriously though, I do find that when I start to judge myself, that opens the door to judging others in my own defense. When Christianity is about the work I do for Him, these comparisons are inevitable. But when it’s about the work He does in me, then there is no comparison, for there is only one Worker, and He does all things well. And as you say, the work He is doing in me is just right for me.

  4. Adrienne said: “When I see Christian men or women who seem to have it all in their Christian life, who seem to know so much and walk so close with God & Jesus, who appear to be perfect, (or so it seems), I’ve envied them; I’ve wanted whatever it is that they have with God, to a degree. Thankfully, this is a fleeting emotion an infrequent occurrence for me.”

    I think the operative reality there in real life is “seem to.” As the old 1970s National Lampoon epic poem “Deteriorata” says, “A stroll through the sea of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet.” I do not mean anything too deep by that except to say that many people hide their failures well and are really good at putting on “airs” that make themselves look better than they really are. The whole human condition is one of being imperfect in a million ways. You can pretty much bet (Jesus or not) that anything human that looks perfect in this world—-ain’t.

    Me. I’m a mess. I am just not afraid to admit it to God or man. God knows we are a mess anyway. When we get in real trouble is the moment we start thinking that we ain’t, which is when our “I wanna be God” primal sin starts creeping in.

  5. Butch,

    Sometimes I don’t think I do realize and I need reminding. Thank God you are here to do that through your blog and your personal comments. Love you, big brother. Adrienne


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